I Wont Leave A Guy I Need For A Guy I Want.

Honestly, many thought have been through my mind when i thought of moving on.. Each time i ask myself, will things turn out to be the same again ? Will i get hurt and cry myself to bed every night ? Losing sleep,  Losing appetite, Losing weight an falling sick.. Is all this worth it ? 

Many people come and go in life, some stays for awhile while some stays for a lifetime.. Im just too afraid i might get hurt again.. Its never easy whenever you fall for someone and those flashback came haunting in my mind, reminding me and warn me about my past.. 

This 9 month have been hell for me. Pushing everyone that cares for me away. Afraid i might get hurt again and again.. 

But things changes when i met him...

As days goes by.. 

I asked myself...

Everything started off..

With a stick, a smile.. It's where we started talking and the first question you asked, " Do you think i malay or chinese?" hahaha it where everything begin.. The feeling i had was i wished i get to know more about you. & the smiled i had each time i saw you was so different.. 

I told myself we could only be just friends.. haha, until when we started talking.. You respect me so much as a girl, compliment me. When i told you're being too sweet, you said it was all the fact & you're not being sweet.. How you wanna see me so badly each day. & how badly you wanna talk to me.. How each day you would remind me how beautiful im when im not & how much you wish i could be yours.. How you're being man of your words, just bcos you could'nt make it for a meet up, the next morning you came all the way to SK from tamp just to pay back what you owe me.. I really couldnt ask for more.. 

Im Sorry that ive been pushing you away asking you to wait and wait for the right time. But than i realise, you're someone i caould lose.. I never wanna lose you.. If i ever did...

I hope you stay by me, be patient towards me.. I know ive an attitude which is hard to handle, but you still try every ways just to make me happy and stuff.. I hope i would make my choice wise enough, i wouldnt regret whats gonna happen in time to come.. Even if the bad time comes i hope we'll be strong enough to overcome everything.. Even if we don't... Honestly, I've NO REGRETS having you in my life.. Taking a place in my heart, i ought to believe, you are the one ive been waiting for :)

Thankyou God For Everything You've Planned For Me.. 

And...

 Take A Chance...

Before Everything is too late..

Lastlyy....

I cant wait to spend the next fews years or hopefully forever with you... as my partner :)

A Judmental Society Kills People..

Too lazy and busy to blog so lately.. Busy with schools & stuff.. Orientation camp was great but our class dosent seems to be bonding well, oh well.. things got a little better aft SM camp :) Know more people from oth class and stuff :) ITE is where people think useless people go to.. But i dont think tht way actually.. The teachers are helpful and supportive.. they help us whenever we're in doubt, support us to go poly and make sure we do well and get good GPA and move on.. :) I hope i can and i will aft 2 years..

& here it goes...

I just don't get it.. why do ppl judge so easily when they know nothing ? Is this why in a country like Singapore we cant have guy best friend ? how ppl see us is couple.. 

Let me as you a qns.. If a girl isn't with a guy officially like couples. Isn't the guy free to go with anyone ? 
furthermore, i didn't take a knife and point at him to be with me.. We talked, he chose me, he chose to like me.. Am i in the wrong?! 

Im tired of all those shit.. just that he's younger thn me we cant be bestfriend? Is it ? 

Fuck this shit ive enough of it.. BYE !!

You've made all this worthwhile..

I've move on. i don't see the point having you anymore.. All along i was just a replacement to you i guess ): 

All those will be memories.. thanks for giving so much pain..

okayyy nothing related to him rn.. ive move on , i wont look back.. 

I questioned myself just now.. "Am i reallly in love ?" and i thought about it.. i guess i really am.. I never expected this day would come.. But im glad it came (': Ever since i met you, no one else is worth thinnking about.. I always wish tht the reason behind your smile would always be me.. Eventhough you may be difficult at times, i dont mind taking all those effort to put a smile on your face.. & i question myself again "Are we gonna happen?" and my answer was, yes we would if we really love each other why not.. hahaha, i was actually kinda look forward to tht day tho *cover face* You came and made everything worthwhile... You're perfect for me, thats all that matter babe.. So much that im craving to see you smile each day, i want you to be happy too.. I love how no matter wht you do you can always make me smile effortlessly.. 

If you meant nothing to me. i wouldnt wake up to your every call so i could talk to you.. make you smile when youre down, say things tht would make you smile whenever you're angry or pissed.. & reply to all your cold replies each time you're down.. this is how much you mean to me.. It may be too soon to say all those.. but i just wanna let you know..You're my priority in life.. So much that no one could replace you at this moment as long as you promise me you wouldnt leave.. i promise ill stay forever..

I know at any point of time youll get tired of me.. & youll leave eventually.. But i wish tht day would never come.. I dont know how far we would go.. I just hope its long enough for me to enjoy those times we had together.. So babe, please dont go.. )': You're everything i need rightnow.. iloveyouuuuu. 

Withlove,

ShiXuann xx

Lose you once, love you twice

It has been 6 months since 0909. It's like half a year had pass without him. I've no idea why is it so hard for me to give up on him and move on. it's damn difficult, never easy. Places,dates,time and object can make memories flashback like a bitch, where ill start to feel upset and cranky the whole day.

Bits and pieces of our memories can never fit into a 30secs video.

 I may have heard so much about you for this 6 months, but ill never believe till i see. i heard both sides of the story, from you and from others. i wouldnt judge bcos i have no idea which side is the truth. The pain upon hearing all those is hard, but i still got use to it over time.

I'm sorry, i understand things will nvr be the same again, or maybe better ? The future is unpredictable. Im glad we're still friends or maybe more thn that..  

Other than my parents and clique, you're the guy that understand me more than anyone else. My habit, my love for things and food, what and where im fear of. Nothing beats such an understanding guy like you. 

Nothing can describe my thankfulness for tolerating me this few months. I've been a bitch. im utterly sorry.

I've lose you once, I'll love you twice..
It's Complicated. 

2013/2014

THIS POST SUMMERISE UP MY WHOLE 2013.. I STARTED 2013 WELL WITH HIM AND ENDED IT WELL WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ^^ AS WELL AS PARTIED HARD WITH THOSE AWESOME DUDES AND MY GIRLS ON THE FIRST SECOND OF 2014.. GAVE MY FIRST NEW YEAR KISS TO MY DEAREST XINPING , AND RECIEVED ONE FROM SOMEONE.. HAHAH  

I BELIEVE I HAD MANY UP AND DOWN THIS YEARS.. OR PROBABLY THE WORSE YEAR AS WELL .. THINGS JUST DECIDED TO HAPPPEN BEFORE MY OLVL'S ): I JUST COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO EXCEPT ALL THIS. I MET NEW PEOPLE, MET NEW ENVIRONMENT & LITERALLY FELL FOR SOMEONE ILL NEVER GET..

MAY 2014 BE A BETTER YEAR .

ALL THE BEST TO PEOPLE IN STUDIES AND RECIEVING OLVL RESULT IN AN COMING WEEK TIME .. STUDY HARD !

LASTLY IM GONNA END MY SHORT POST WITH PHOTO I HAD LAST NIGHT.

HAVE A GREAT 2014 PEOPLE ..